Until now, I’ve been keeping the fact that I’m engaged off the blog (and neglecting the blog in general, but not on purpose) because I wanted to make sure we told as many people as possible in person. Now that it’s been a few months, we finally posted our engaged status on facebook (at his insistence–I would have preferred not to) and I feel like I can join the droves of brides-to-be who blog about wedding prep.
I consider myself a financial middle-of-the-roader when it comes to splurging on the big day. I’m also pretty non-traditional, but not in a dogmatic sense. I’m not pointedly trying to buck tradition. I just like what I like.
Case in point: the engagement jewelry.
I didn’t want a ring. I barely wear them. And I didn’t want diamonds. They can be gorgeous, but lack personal significance to me. Instead, I took a cue from my Chinese name, Jin Yu, which means “Golden Jade,” and chose a jade bracelet with a gold clasp and gold hinge. My pre-husband* added even more symbolism to the piece by finding one made of Alaskan jade. (We met in Alaska and will most likely end up there someday.) If I hadn’t been named after a gemstone and a mineral, I probably would have gone with my birthstone, the topaz, which comes in a variety of colors.
I am getting a wedding band. Probably gold with a Hawaii motif, like a lauhala weave or flowers.
One thing I’ve never understood is why people put so much emphasis and spend so much money on the engagement ring. I really like my bracelet, but isn’t it just a placeholder for the real deal? And isn’t it the lesser of the two rings in terms of significance?
*We think the term “fiancee” and its synonyms (“betrothed”, “intended,” and the like) sound a bit too staid and formal for the likes of us. A friend came up with “pre-husband” and “pre-wife,” which we like, although at home Bill occasionally refers to me as his “rent-to-own girlfriend.”
Jeannette
Historically, engagement rings were significant because women were not allowed to inherit land under the British common law, so giving a woman a diamond ring was a way to ensure that she would legally own something of value in case her husband died and the children/husband’s family were not charitably disposed to her.
In the modern world, the emphasis on the engagement ring is, in my jaded, male’s-eye view of the world, entirely the product of 120 years of advertising by the South African diamond industry. Engagement ring ads (he went to jared, dancing silhouettes, etc) invariably make me want to throw things at the television screen.
Yes! Me too! This article has been making the rounds for years now, but still worth reading:
http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/1982/02/have-you-ever-tried-to-sell-a-diamond/4575/
And I think the latest issue of Harper’s has an interesting, edgy article on the ins and outs of the jewel trade.