Hooking Up, With God’s Blessing

I’m a little late to this article from Foreign Policy, on how Hezbollah tends to its constituents’ libidos by allowing “temporary marriages,” (aka “hook-ups” in other societies). The arrangements can last from “one hour to a year, and are subject to renewal.” It’s always fascinating to see highly conservative cultures, religions, or people betray or (in this case) relax/recalibrate their ideal values to accommodate sex.

Read Full Post »

Will New Jobs Hurt Our Relationship?

Our friends know this already. For 10 months my boyfriend, B., was unemployed in DC, waiting for the Obama administration to give him a job. He got it less than a month before I shifted into freelance mode. It’s change I can believe in, but with some pause. 

Our work lives have both shifted dramatically (for the second time since we began dating) and I wonder whether this will affect the dynamics of our relationship. We’re both generally reasonable people (or like to think so) with the ability to problem-solve and use logic, but this of course doesn’t automatically immunize us from run-of-the-mill couples issues.

By the way, B. thinks I’m being over-wary. He doesn’t foresee any problems and also doesn’t see the point of dabbling in hypotheticals. I, on the other hand, like to look ahead. It’s a tendency exacerbated, perhaps, by working at magazines whose articles often offer heaping servings of futurism. 

So, starting with the upsides: We both like and believe in what we do. We foresee remaining financially solvent. We don’t have a history of disagreeing about career-related issues. (I mean, he was kind enough to quit his job in Alaska and move out here with me.)

And, as promised, the possible pitfalls:

1) While his job is stable, mine is not. My hours will be dictated by whim (mine), which means I could be up until 3 a.m. on a regular basis. And weekends won’t always apply to me. Of course, I’ll be more flexible too, and can do more to work around his schedule. 

2) I like to work late at night in bed, with the bedside light on. He has a sleep mask, but it sometimes falls off. And there’s no way to mute the keyboard. I suppose I will have to do away with this habit, or sneak earplugs into his ears after he’s nodded off.

3) Bill is preternaturally neat. A neat-nik. He is happiest when the TV remotes are parallel and the magazines are in symmetric stacks. I am an average person and the apartment will most likely be messier with me being there more and using it as an office. I figure it’ll be fine as long as I resist my hoarder impulses. 

4) I will be making much less money than before. He might have to pay for groceries more often, leaving me to feel guilty for not pulling my weight. In my opinion, free stuff is nice, but only when you feel like you’ve deserved it, or know you could have gotten it for yourself. 

I realize my concerns so far are quotidian, even sitcom-level silly, and therefore seem more fixable (should they need fixing) than any psychological or emotional issues that could come up. The point, for now, is that little problems can breed larger ones. And shouldn’t we be ready? 

PS: Is the reluctance to deal in relationship hypotheticals a male thing? And does the eagerness to plan for them appear mostly in women? I ask because it seems to be the case anecdotally among friends.

Read Full Post »